


all i know is i'm breathing now

by carrotstix



Series: against the grain should be a way of life [2]
Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Dawnguard, F/F, Feelings Confession, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 16:18:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11947977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrotstix/pseuds/carrotstix
Summary: the sun has long set, elwynak heading for jorrvaskr while you and serana to head to breezehome. since lydia is there, already asleep in the spare bed, the two of you curl up on opposite sides of the double in the main room upstairs, facing each other. it feels oddly intimate, and despite everything you’ve been through today, you feel that same flutter in your pulse. you think she can tell; whether it’s your heartbeat or something in your face, she knows.[or, after a long fought battle to defeat harkon, serana admits something.]





	all i know is i'm breathing now

**Author's Note:**

> woah, is that... a sequel? in... only two days? and elwynak appears?? go me, amirite ladies???  
> anyway, this story is told second person point of view from elewyn's perspective, and both she and elwynak are dragonborns.  
> [i would also like to clarify that, while their names sound similar, they are not related, and they were strangers until the scene in helgen that starts off the game.]  
> song title is lyrics from "keep breathing" by ingrid michaelson  
> anyway, enjoy.

you come out of the chamber limping, your arm wrapped around serana’s back as she holds onto your waist, attempting to bear some of your weight while still allowing you to walk. when you step into the main hall, the first thing you see is bodies, both dawnguard and vampires, mostly the latter. you find yourself scanning any of them for elwynak’s build or blond hair, but you stop when you catch him standing at the bottom of a staircase, leaned against the railing and speaking to isran. a wave of relief hits you, and almost as if he can feel your gaze on him, he looks up, giving a weak smile and waving you towards them.

serana helps you hobble over, and both men turn to you as you approach. elwynak reaches out to pat your shoulder, even if you can’t feel it through the glass plating of your armor.

“we won, huh?” you say, but your voice comes out soft, and you sound more exhausted than victorious. still, isran nods, even managing a small grin, something unusual for the old redguard. you return it, but you suspect yours is less genuine.

“you alright, kid?” he asks, and you shrug with minimal pain. he takes a survey of your face and armor, the former scratched and likely not that pleasant, while the latter is dented and has obviously taken a beating. by now, other dawnguard members are beginning to gather around or near you, everyone taking stock of the fact that they won. you can practically feel the disbelief in the air, but you? you just feel tired.

elwynak must be able to see it in your eyes, or he feels it, too, because he’s the one who suggests leaving. isran sends you all off, telling the two of you and serana to head on back.

“i’ll finish up here,” he tells you. “now you three just go home, get some rest. you deserve it.”

none of you protest, leaving him to his recruits as you stagger up the steps, serana doing her best to help you. you know if she wanted, she could easily pick you up and carry you. she’s got the strength and you’ve seen her lift men off the ground with just one hand. however, she doesn’t, instead trying to support you up the stairs, and you appreciate it.

when you finally make it out of the castle and down to the boat, both serana and elwynak refuse to let you row, the latter taking the oars with the former forces you into “relaxing” while she slowly begins to take pieces of armor off of your upper body.

“i need my armor,” you protest. “we’re gonna have to walk to solitude from the shore, i can’t walk around unprotected.”

“i know you carry a set of leather in your pack,” she counters, firm as she pulls the plating off your left arm, leaving your skin chilled under the breeze. “you can wear that.”

you huff, but you give up on arguing. you’re both tired, and you don’t want to push her, so instead you let her continue, until your torso is covered in nothing but the flimsy shirt you wear underneath. she hums, discontentedly, as she scans over the bruises across your chest, red marks that cover your shoulders, scrapes on your arms. you can’t imagine how it must look paired with the cuts you know cover your face, and you shift, apprehensive.

she must assume it’s because you’re cold, because she apologizes, reaching down to grab your pack from the floor of the boat, rifling through it until she pulls the top pieces of the extra set from it.

“here,” she murmurs, handing it to you. “i’d imagine you want to put the whole set on, but since i don’t see you wanting to strip off your bottoms while still on sea, you can at least put on the chest plates and such so you won’t be cold.”

“thanks,” you murmur, beginning to pull pieces over your arms and head. pretty soon, you’re wearing a whole outfit of armor, even if it is mismatched.

when the boat finally rows ashore, you lift yourself out with a grunt before trading out the last of layer of glass you were wearing for leather. once you’re ready, the three of you make the walk to solitude with little trouble, and from there, you take a carriage out to whiterun. you get there after the sun has long set, elwynak heading for jorrvaskr while you and serana to head to breezehome. since lydia is there, already asleep in the spare bed, the two of you curl up on opposite sides of the double in the main room upstairs, facing each other. it feels oddly intimate, and despite everything you’ve been through today, you feel that same flutter in your pulse. you think she can tell; whether it’s your heartbeat or something in your face, she knows.

“look,” she whispers, and even though the room is dim, her eyes still glow. “i... i know how you feel about me, and i’d be lying if i said i didn’t feel the same. but i… i don’t know. i need time, i… i’m sorry.”

you feel windless, relieved and overjoyed and saddened all at the same time, because she returns your feelings, but she’s holding back and you’re still confused about the whole thing. nevertheless, you reach out and place your hand over hers.

“it’s okay,” you assure her. “you deserve time, after your father-”

“it’s not my father,” she interrupts, but her voice stays soft. “it’s- to become a daughter of coldharbour is to give yourself over to molag bal. the ritual is… it’s gruesome and horrible and it takes so much from you, and i- it’s been years and i still don’t think i’m quite ready to be… to be intimate with someone. i still don’t feel free from all of what happened that night. it’s not your fault, and i want to be ready, but i don’t expect you to wait for me.”

“hey,” you murmur, interlocking your fingers. “i’m here for you, whatever you need. i’m okay waiting for you to be ready, and if you aren’t, that’s okay. i will be here for you, however you want me, okay? i will be here.”

she nods, and when you smile at her, she returns it, even if hers looks a little watery. after several beats of silence, the topic shifts gears to something else, and you talk until she falls asleep.

you doze off later to the candle burning out and the moonlight draping itself across serana’s cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> expect plenty more shenanigans from elewyn, elwynak, and serana. [upcoming pieces may include werewolves, transformations, dragonborn bonding, and maybe, maybe i will finish the intro to the series where elewyn and elwynak meet.]  
> if you wanna catch me, hit me at i-am-not-carrot on tumblr.


End file.
